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The Little Things


I remember the little things
that once were only mine;
a home-made heart
you brought from school,
a “Mommy valentine,

fingerprints on window panes,
foot prints on my rugs,
a little note you wrote to me,
soft and cuddly hugs.

I remember the little things
that I shall always miss;
a dandelion boquet for me,
a smile, a laugh, a kiss,

kool-aid smiles of berry blue,
popsicle grins of red,
good night kisses on my cheeks,
tucking you in bed.

I remember the little things
that can’t be bought or sold;
the children that God gave to me,
were more precious than pure gold!


(c) 2001 Susan Maree Jeavons

All rights reserved

Used with Permission click here





Ron

Ronnie was born on December 18th, 1974. He weighed 6lbs 2oz and was 20in long. He was born with eyes of blue, but they changed to brown when he was six months old. Ronnie was a perfectly healthy baby in every aspect.


Always at my side or on my hip. where he liked best to be, I guess that was why Ronnie never got into much mischief, he was most definitely a blessing from God above . Ronnie and I had the best times together, he would love to watch me clean the house, cook dinner, bake cookies, everything I did and everywhere I went we were never apart. Ronnie loved to sing to me, it didn't have to be but a few words and my heart would Thank God everyday for this child of mine.


I remember when I brought his brother Chris home from the hospital, Ronnie looked up at me with such a forsaken look in his eyes and said, "Mommie, how come you brought a new baby home, don't you love me anymore?" I gently placed Chris into his Dad's arms, and held Ronnie for the longest time. Then I explained to him that Mommie had plenty of love in her heart to go around for everyone. I would often tell Ronnie "I loved him as big as the sky" and he would ask me, "Mommie how big is the sky?" and I would tell him, "As big as the whole wide world!" So after that Ronnie would always hold out his arms as far as he could reach and say, "Mommie I Love You More!"

As a preschooler Ronnie seemed to do alright. Ronnie never seemed to have much of an appetite, until what seemed overnight he started eating enormous amounts of food yet never gained any weight. All he wanted to do was sit and watch T.V. I called the Doctor and explained how Ronnie was acting unusually different. The Doctor said to bring him in and he would run some blood test on Ronnie, after leaving the office and upon arriving home, we received a call asking us to bring Ronnie to the hospital, that the results showed Ronnie to be Hyperglycemic and that we would need to start Ronnie on insulin right away. Once there the Doctor started to explain how he came about the results of the blood test and that Ronnie's blood sugar was at 275 and normally it should be much lower. After preceeding to re-check the Doctor discovered the blood sugar to be normal. The Doctor said "sometimes this happens", yet still concerned, he ordered a three hour glucose tolerence test as well as a number of other blood studies done on Ronnie. All of the test turned out normal, we were then told Ronnie might be a borderline Diabetic, and to just keep an eye on him.

When Ronnie was three and Chris was just a little over a year old, we added a new addition to our family, a son, his name was Ryan. Ryan will always be a part of us. He is with God now and there he will remain until it is our time to be re-united. He is and always will be Forever in our Hearts.

Life was never the same after Ryan's passing. We had no one to talk with and no one seemed to want to talk with us about our Loss. I would cry all the time, I became so depressed, it was said by someone with in the family that they thought I was going crazy because all I did was cry. I was devastated, not crazy! My Life had been shattered and I had no idea how to pick up the pieces of my heart and go on. It was expected of me, to just forget my loss, as if you can wipe away a life as if it never existed, how cruel people can be. For you see in there eyes I had more children, as they put it, so I should "Be Thankful that Ryan wasn't my only child." Be Thankful, of course I was Thankful but not because of that, I Loved My Children and they were and always will be the very being of my heart and soul. Oh Yes, I was Very Thankful for my two living children I still had to Love and Hold, but Ryan was my baby too, his dying would never ever change that. Why couldn't people understand, Ryan would always be our Son.

Two months after losing Ryan to "Crib-Death", I found out I was pregnant again, nine months later I gave birth to our daughter, Jennifer. I almost lost her when I was around six months along. I had horrible pains, and I was crying laying in on the kids bed. Little Ronnie came in and sat with me and asked me if I was okay? I told him that I would be alright, he sat their with me caressing my hair until I felt better, he never once left my side. God love him. So I truly do mean it when I say "My children are the very essence of my heart and soul. Their very existence is what has given me the strength to go on for all these years.

As Ronnie was turning six and entering into Kindergarden, I started noticing these habits he would habitually perform. Being he was just starting school I threw it to the wind. But then some very bizare almost compulsive or ritualistic repetitive behavior began taking place. I was getting letters from the school telling me of how this seemily very shy, quiet, well behaved child was now getting into trouble. The letters stated that Ronnie couldn't keep his hands off of the other children and that he had been caught hitting and kicking some of the children on the playground. Also that he was distracting the classroom with his verbal-outbursts.

At home they started slowly and then became increasingly worse. Ronnie's lips would get so chafed and sore from his repeated licking of them. He started jerking his head and shoulders, there was even a time when while lying on the floor in front of the television, Ronnie would all of a sudden jump up off of the floor and come back down on his knees this would become repetitive to the point of his knees turning black and blue. When told to "Stop That" his reply would be, "What, I am not doing anything or I can't!" The school thought Ronnie needed glasses because of his eye-twitching. He did not. His verbal-outburst became worse. Ronnie was being labeled as a "Problem Child" it was said that he had either emotional and or behavioral problems. At home he was so quick to learn and excelled in everything he tried, but at school, after two months into his first year the decision was made to hold Ronnie back.

Summertimes were less stressful for Ronnie. By now, I am sure we were thougt of as "Neurotic Parents" as often as took our children to the Doctors. After many discussions with the Doctor it was established that all that could be found was Ronnie had what they called "Nervous Tics". However that did not explain any of the other manifestations that Ronnie was displaying. When ever we left home Ronnie would somehow inhibited his motor manifestations and motor movements only to have them emerge explosively at home. During Ronnie's Second and Third years in school, his repetitive/compulsive behavior became intense. These included nose twitching, facial grimacing, shoulder, arm and leg jerking, quick repetitive hand and finger movement. Ronnie would jerk his head from side to side or just to one side excessively. His verbal-outburst would include snorting, barking, yelping (as it is called), obscendities (in rapid repetitions) coughing or grunting. These would all be done sometimes together or a combination of just a few.

It was sometime later, I was handed an article by (at that time) my Mother-In-Law Dee, as I began reading I noticed alot of what I was reading was just what Ronnie was suffering through. I called the Doctor and asked if he had ever heard of "Tourette Syndrome", he said "Yes", and set up an appointment with a Neurologist in Rochester, NY at Strong Memorial Hospital, for Ronnie to see. We were on our way to finally having an answer.

Once at Strong Memorial Hospital, Ronnie was examined by Dr. McBride. After the examination the Doctor called us into her office, and preceded to say, "Your son, has a Neurological Muscle Disorder called "Tourette Syndrome" and he also has "Attention Deficit Disorder" which is quite a common association with people who have TS." Dr. McBride then went on to say, "It is "Attention Deficit Disorder" which adds to the inconsistency of Ronnie's performance at school, his distractibility, and his quick reactivity to stimuli including his "short fuse" which gets him into trouble. His Father, Ron and I asked the Doctor, "What can be done to help Ronnie?" The Doctor replied, "Usually, we can give medication but in Ronnie's case it would be unwise because he also has "Nervous Tics" so the medication for "Tourette Syndrome" would be counter-productive to the "Tics" and visa-versa." Dr. McBride went on to say, "As to what caused Ronnie's condition, it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain the reasons had not been determined yet but that 50%-70% of cases appeared to be hereditary. Ronnie's "Tourettes" would be with him through out his Life. And that "Tourette Syndrome" often gets worse during puberty and sometimes stabalizes during adulthood, although there are exceptions to the rules."

We had our answer finally after all these years, once at home Ronnie turned to his Dad and I and all he said was, "I don't want you to treat me any different because of this!" We could have just cried, what a selfless human being that stood before us, Oh what a gift "God" had given us in our son Ronnie.

Over the years, Ronnie suffered alot at the hands of some very ignorant and cruel children as well as some adults. Ronnie is an adult now and has grown into a fine young man. Through all he has suffered he found solace in the "Martial Arts", "Boxing" and "Grappling". Ronnie is attending College and studing "Computer Science", Ronnie excells at all he attemps and he has accomplished plenty, but that is not to say he does not struggle, for everyday will always be a struggle for Ronnie. He is our son and we are so very Proud of him. Ronnie has also met a wonderful woman to share his Life with and her name is Jill.



Chris

Chris almost wasn't born, sometime around my later part of my second month of pregnancy, I started to miscarry for Chris. I ended up in the hospital on my back for five days, I had passed a very large blood clot. When the hospital had discharged me all I was told was "We cannot confirm if you are still pregnant. You will have to wait and see." In those days we didn't have the technology they have today. But within the next month, I was kicked so hard from within that it made me jump right up out of my chair, I just sat there for the longest time and cried with joy. Chris was still with us.

Chris kept fooling me though, every time I thought he was coming into this world the pains would stop, this happened so much that by the time he was ready to make his entrance, his Dad didn't believe me. Chris was finally born on June 5th, 1976, he weighed 6lbs 12oz and was 21 inches long. He had the largest dark brown eyes you ever saw. Chris was what they called a "Dry Birth". But none the less perfectly healthy in every aspect.

Chris never seemed to want for much attention. He was quite content to just sit and play with his toys. But that didn't last too long. Because Chris skipped crawling and went right into walking. I was sitting on the floor next to him one day when the next thing you know I looked up and there he was taking four steps before he lost his balance. After that you couldn't keep him in one spot too long for he was off and running. That was our Chris, he never slowed down all day long.

Oh how he loved to take things apart and put them back together. However, there were days, when for hours he would play with his blocks, these were the most serene times with Chris. Potty training was a snap for Chris, one time in the bathroom with his Dad and Chris was no longer in diapers. All my Children were potty trained by a year old or very shortly after. It just worked that way for us, I had plenty of time to spend with my children and they were very quick to learn.

Our Chris always kept life interesting, never a dull moment with Chris around, boy he sure was quite a character. There was this one time Chris must have been a little over a year old, and his brother had this little green riding tractor. Well Chris would run that tractor up and down the hallway of our home, well one day Chris happened upon our back door and because he was going so fast he just kept going. I heard the door fly open and went running to see if Chris was alright. Well there he stood, three steps down, in his footed pajamas in the snow. Not crying, but shivering and all he said was "I'm cold", I ran down the stairs in my bare feet picked Chris up and took him inside, brushed the snow off of him and checked him for any bumps and bruises. There was none. One morning I had taken a few minutes to clean up their room, came back out and there on the kitchen floor sat Ronnie and Chris with the fridge door wide open and Herseys Chocolate Syrup covering them both. All I could see of them were the whites of their eyes. The two were like "Mutt & Jeff". Never was there one without the other.

Chris always seemed to have the ability to make people laugh, but I recall a couple of instances when there was nothing to laugh about. There was an awful ice storm outside and it was Thanksgiving Day, I was six months pregnant with Jennifer. Just as everyone was finishing up with dinner there was this horrible sound of breaking glass. Everyone ran into the livingroom to see what had just happened and there stood Chris in front of the shattered window covered in blood. Chris had been running through the house and hit into the window so hard that it shattered the glass, yet somehow he had managed to turn on a dime, as they say, and was spared being fatally injured. We raced to pick Chris up and was rushing him to the hospital, only because of the ice storm, we could barely make it a few miles down the road, so we decided to turn around and head back home. Once home, we cleaned Chris up and stopped the bleeding that was coming from the cut over his eyebrow. Thank God this was all the injury Chris had received from the glass coming down on him. And even though he should have received stitches the first aid that we provided surficed and Chris healed nicely.

It was said once that Chris could fall into a mudd puddle and come up clean. Oh how true those words became through out Chris's Life. I had turned my back to tend to the other children when Chris reached up onto the cupboard and pulled my hot coffee down on him. I heard him scream and went running as fast as I could, I had slipped and fell from the coffee on the floor but was up as fast as I had fallen and grabbed Chris, who was still in his footed pajama's and ran him to the kitchen sink and doused him with cold water. Then began undressing him to check for burns. All I could find was a small circled burn (a bad burn) on his upper arm. I put dry clothes on him and took him to the hospital. There it was said that if I had not have doused him in the cold water his burns would have been alot more severe because his pajama's would have held in the heat of the hot coffee. Oh how Chris's guardian angels worked to keep him from serious injury.

Well our Chris has managed to make it to Man-hood, safely I might add, no broken bones ever! Chris is a fine young man, He works as a Shipping/Receiving Clerk and has met a wonderful woman to share his Life with, her name is Jennie. Their baby is due in August, 2001. Chris and Jennie have decided to name their son, Christopher Ryan. God Bless You Both!



Ryan

Forever Loved

If you are a Mom to an Angel and would like one of these for your web page just email me and type into the subject line Mom To An Angel, there is no link required just don't claim as your own I made this with all Angels in mind.  Thank You

December 19th, 1977 - March 31st, 1978.

"Some people only dream of
angels, I held one in my arms."

Ryan's Memorial Website



Jenn

Jennifer was born on February 19th, 1979. She weighed 7lbs. 12ozs. and was 20in long with eyes of blue. I remember when I had to push for the last time, I thought my heart was going to explode. Well it must have been the reason why Jenna had a blood clot broken in her left eye right after she was born, but the strange part is I too had the same, a broken blood vessel on the very same side, I realized it after the nurse handed Jenn to me and she mention how odd it was. (What is even stranger is when Jenna gave birth to her daughter, this baby also had a broken blood vessel in her left eye) I guess that is what you call bonded right from the very start. Other than that Jenna was perfectly healthy in every aspect as well.

I was so scared to take Jenna home from the hosptital, I knew I had to have her sleep in the very same bed that my Ryan slept in that fateful night, as all of my children had slept in through out their infancy. We didn't have much money. The first year and a half of Jenna's life was a nightmare for me, mentally, not because of Jenna but because I would fear falling asleep after I laid her down for the night, for fear she too would not awake. I was always checking to see if she was breathing. Even today, while I am caring for our Jenna's children during their first year and a half of life, I just cannot lay my fear to rest, I would check on them continually whenever they slept.

Jenna was alot like her brother Ronnie, always by my side, never getting into mischief. Jenna learned to walk and take her first steps when she was seven months old. Jenna was a quiet child, always playing in her room with her dolls. She loved to draw and paint, and as she grew older loved to hang out with her brothers. The one thing Jenna didn't like was attending school. Oh how she would cry right before it was time to go to school, so many times I kept her home, because even when I did send her thinking once there she would be alright, the school nurse would end up calling me and Jenna would be sent home anyways. Jenna hadn't quite turned nine yet when her Dad and I seperated. Our family had been torn since Ryan's death, the years that followed were very painful for us all, but mostly for our children. Their lives once again had been turned upside down. It has been by the "Grace of God" that we have all Survived life's cruel hand that was dealt us.

Eventually, Jenna learned to like going to school and did very well in her scholastics. Jenna came out of her shyness and became very personable and had quite a gathering of friends. Jenna in her latter years at school became a JV-Cheerleader and also was a member of the Color Guard at her school. Our Jenna grew to be a beautiful woman and has two beautiful children, Desiree and Zachary.






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